Green Target: DeAndre Jordan

Uh, NeNo Nene, you won't be scoring on
this drive. Now go get a second NeName.
So while unfounded trade rumors swirl, a lot of people get caught up in the excitement and forget to think about what they are reading.  I'm referring of course to all the Rondo rumors.  Our own Scal-4-3 wrote the article that needed to be written, reminding people that, just because you read it on the internet doesn't mean it's true, especially if it doesn't make sense.  What does make sense however, is addressing the needs that the Celtics actually have.

One glaring need is another center, and you can bet money that the Celtics will be signing another one, hopefully more.  Right now we have one, his name is Jermaine O'neal and he is about as reliable as mesh condom that's in its 16th year of use.  I liked what he gave us last playoffs, but we need help at the 5.  I know Baby can play center, and I do like him as a player, but he's another free agent.  He probably will go somewhere else to make more money, which is too bad, because he's a really good back-up for KG and we are better with him than without, but anyways, the point is we need centers.  Like DeAndre Jordan.

Click "read more" to hear the arguments.

How the Celtics could get him.
DeAndre is a free agent who made 850 kilodollars last season.  He'll be going into his 4th year, so I expect the C's could sign him for under $1.5M, no trades required.  Plus he played for Daniel Sterling and the Clippers for all 3 years, so by now he would probably sign a contract with the Antarctica Blueballs if that was a real team, because playing for a polar bear in the snow would be preferable to Sterling and the Clips.

His name is Jordan.  Now before I get angry comments saying "You fucking goon, how can you compare him to MJ?! You must be retahded or somethin kid!" I'm really referencing the sweet marketing tie-in that we could see with Jordan's Furniture if we sign him.  Anyways, on to the actual pros.  He's 6'11" and we need height.  Now I know that JR cleverly pointed out in his article about Chuck Hayes that one does not block nor rebound basketballs with one's head.  What our anatomically-intelligent writer did not mention is that the shoulders of a taller guy are above the shoulders of a shorter guy, thereby enabling the taller guy to reach higher.  Now, one's vertical leap also makes a big difference, but a 6'6" guy has to jump 5 inches higher than a 6"11" guy to reach the same height, and that's assuming the 6'6" guy's arms are as long as the 6'11" guys', which they wouldn't be.  DJ averaged just under 2 blocks per game last season, 7 points, and 7 rebounds, 2 of which offensive.  His FG% is 65% which is excellent.  He's also a young guy at 23, and we are soon to be a rebuilding team.  Lastly, we need centers and we can't spend a lot of money.  He is a center that doesn't cost a lot of money.  Value is the name of the game for the Celtics this offseason due to our high salary costs and large number of free agents.  He's no Dwight Howard, but for his price he's excellent, and because of that price we can sign better additional players.  It just makes sense.

His free throw percentage sucks balls.  It's absolutely horrible.  It's around 45%.  Centers are not typically known for their FT shooting, well actually, they are typically known to be awful at it.  And DJ is like the worst of the worst.  Rondo will have to hand over his title of "really sucks at the line" to DeAndre if he ends up here, and you don't want too many guys like that.  The good news is that he only shoots between 2 and 3 a game, a lot of them are and-1's because he dunks a lot. Also, with Rondo's great passing ability, more of those FT's should be and-1's as DJ gets the ball in a better position to make high-percentage-grown-man-mark-jackson-momma-there-goes-that-man-my-goodness moves, or "dunks."

I am for signing this guy (obviously), what about you?

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