Comparing the 2010 Celtics to Old School WWF Wrestlers

by Brian Wood

I thought of this idea after hearing the TNT guys compare Shaq to Kamala. Well here is the list hope you get a kick out of it. I thought if you liked it you could share it on the site. BTW I am not a wrestling nerd and haven't watched wrestling in years.

Danny Ainge- Eric Bischoff. He did some AWFUL AWFUL things for WCW but with the whole N.W.O. thing he was kicking ass for some time, until the AWFUL AWFUL choices took over. Kinda like Ainge but apparently in reverse, but seems to maybe be coming full circle.

Doc Rivers- Slick. He has managed great wrestlers like Big Boss Man, Earthquake, and Butch Reed. Very similar to the 2008 Celtics. But has also managed the likes of Kamala, Nikolai Volcoff, Warlord, and The Model Rick Martel. Very similar to the 2004 Magic.

Ray Allen- Hacksaw Jim Duggan. Both kicked so much ass in their heydays it wasn’t even funny. This I know is a bit of a stretch but I hope Ray Allen isn’t turning into old, fat, disgusting Hacksaw. As much as I love Allen, his production is down and a trade would really boost the team. Keeping Hacksaw around WWF at the end was a complete waste of a body.

Tony Allen- Brutus The Barber Beefcake. When Beefcake first came into WWF he was awesome. He was a star right away and everyone knew he had talent, just like Allen. Then came the injuries. For Allen it was that showboat dunk. For Beefcake it was a boating accident. Neither never really returned to their old self but Allen really seems to be turning it on as of late. As for Beefcake he now works at a Gym, hopefully Allen doesn’t go that route.

Marquis Daniels- Koko B. Ware. I am not exactly sure why I am doing this but mainly because I honestly do not know that much about Daniels. Koko B. Ware was in WWF for what seemed like forever but never really was amazing. He was solid enough to stay around and really had his shining moments but overall was just mediocre. I guess that is how a view Daniels. Too bad Daniels didn’t have a parrot name Frankie and wore MC Hammer pants.

Glen Davis- Earthquake. I know I know you are thinking just because they are both overweight is the reason I picked this. Well you are half right. Earthquake, like Davis, seems at times to be on top of his game (feuds with Hogan) and other times the bottom of the barrel (feuds with the Bushwhakers). Also they both are fat.

Kevin Garnett- Stone Cold Steve Austin. Both just kicked so much ass and talked so much crap but they always backed it up. When Austin first came with Ted DiBiase he sucked like Garnett (well Garnett did not suck at all but he wasn’t the Garnett of now). Once Austin started getting older he was always having knee problems but still trying to kick ass. Plus the whole chalk on the hands before the game is pretty similar to the drinking beers after matches.

J.R. Giddens- Marty Jannetty. This was an impossible one to come up with because Giddens had done really nothing so far. If the Celtics do win a championship this year (highly unlikely) it will have nothing to do with Giddens. Similar to how Jannetty road Shawn Michaels coat tails in the kick ass Rocker days. Giddens was a trouble maker in college and a shitty teammate and Jannetty loved to party hard and once broke a guys neck in the ring.

Eddie House- Rey Mysterio Jr. I am talking about old school WCW Rey Mysterio. He was so damn exciting and at any minute had you jumping out of your seat. You knew he would never be “The Man” but always had you excited when he was in the ring. Those hurricanranas and flips were the equal to Eddie coming into the game and hitting back to back 3-pointers.

Kendrick Perkins- Psyco Sid. He won titles and was always main eventing but you never really sure if he was there to stay. He also loved to bitch and complain a lot like EVERY foul that is called on Perkins. He is more reverse Perkins because Perkins is really starting to show he is a great player and can hang with any center, but Sid was really big in the beginning and kinda fizzled to the lower card. I know this comparison is pretty shitty and doesn’t make much sense but I couldn’t think of anybody.

Paul Pierce-Hulk Hogan. Is probably the greatest wrestler of all time and was always kicking ass. Hogan’s was the man right away and was awesome for years. He went to WCW and was still awesome, until the end, and everyone seemed to be sick of Hogan. He returned to WWF the following year and was rejuvenated and everyone LOVED him again. Pierce was the man for the Celtics for so many years but before the Garnett deal things were looking really grim for him. Hopefully Pierce can get back to slamming Andre The Giant and dropping leg drops on Lebron.

Rajon Rondo- The Rock- When The Rock first came to WWF he was pretty much there on name alone and was pretty much a d-bag. He was just kind of there and had no real significance in the beginning. He then joined the Nation of Domination and starting becoming the mega star he is today. Like Rondo, The Rock’s potential was only the tip of the iceberg a few years in.

Brian Scalabrine- The Bushwhakers. The were fan favorites and everyone loved them. The were goofy and you always rooted for them even though you knew they had no chance. Butch was even eliminated in 4 seconds by Earthquake in the 1991 Royal Rumble but the fans still loved him.

Bill Walker- Flash Funk. The word around the wrestling scene was that this guy had all the talent in the world. He apparently was an amazing wrestler and was great at putting people over. Too bad WWF thought it would be a good idea to make him come to the ring dancing, wearing an idiotic blue suit, and having girls called Funkettes. So in other words he never got a chance.

Rasheed Wallace-The Iron Sheik. You see and hear the Iron Sheik today and you wonder, “How in God’s name was this person ever a title holder and considered serious.” That is how I view Rasheed anymore. He is an absolute cancer to the team and does nothing he should be doing. Again like how The Sheik drinks excessively and does drugs can very easily be compared to Sheed’s laziness and 3-point chucks.

Shelden Williams- Bob Holly. I know this is a stretch but hear me out here. Bob Holly always seemed here and there to impress the fans. He won some Hardcore titles and you always thought he had a chance to get over the hump, similar to Shelden. Common Sense then takes over and you realize they are both mediocre at best and will never be great.

Written by CelticsLifer Brian Wood