Afternoon Delight: Los Angeles Lakers petitioning Minneapolis to see if they can find another championship for them

While the Boston Celtics defeated the Mavs 107 to 89 last night in Game 1 of the NBA Finals in their quest to win an NBA record 18 championships, the Los Angeles Lakers don't seem content to stay out of the headlines. After the breaking news that JJ Reddick would become their next head coach earlier in the week hit, they switched directions and apparently made an offer to UCONN head coach Dan Hurly instead.

But that was not enough for the Hollywood attention seekers, according to Pulitzer prize winning, Celtics Life long time investigative journalist Rondo Burgundy, the Buss family, owners of the Lakers, petitioned the city of Minneapolis late last night to see if they could find another championship for them to claim. The goal according to Rondo Burgundy who sneaked on a group call about the matter by answering "Magic Johnson" when he was prompted to state his name, is to preemptively claim they have 18 championships this summer to match Boston's if the Celtics do in fact win this year's NBA Finals.

Furthermore the Los Angeles Lakers are reportedly terrified that Boston's young core will put muliple titles on the board before they can suck again and be given three top 2 picks in the draft and buy some more Hollywood seeking free agents. The Los Angeles Lakers if you recall failed time and time again and again and again and again to defeat the Bill Russell Celtics. Celtics Hall of Famer Bill Sharman finally led the purple and egg yolk to their first title in 1972. And it wasn't until Magic Johnson came along that they won their 2nd.

Following the 1986 season when the Celtics won their 16th title, things looked gloomy for the Lakers who stood at 4 championships by that point. The Celtics drafted Len Bias who was billed as a taller, better shooting Michael Jordan. Bias tragically died 2 days later and losing that type of transcendent talent set Boston back for decades.

Los Angeles seized the opportunity and dubbed the 1986-87 season their "Drive for 5." Los Angeles would win their 5th title in 1987 and then their 6th in the following season. A decade later the Chicago Bulls tied the Los Angeles Lakers with 6 titles, still a very distant 2nd place to Boston's 16.

After start center and aspiring actor/rapper Shaquille O'Neal signed in Los Angeles, the Lakers shrewd GM Jerry West, who was mentored by the Celtics' Sharman, arranged for star high school phenom Kobe Bryant's agent to force a trade to Los Angeles. This dynamic duo eventually got their act together (before self imploding) and tacked on 3 more titles for L.A. placing them in second place all alone at 9. The 16 Boston owned was still way too many for Los Angeles to try to attain, so they came up with the idea to claim Minneapolis' 5 titles from the 1940's/50's.

Mind you they wouldn't retire anyone's jersey from those 5 titles, not even the great George Mikan, but for creative math purposes Los Angeles would use Minneapolis' 5 banners to inflate the Los Angeles Lakers title count to 14. And no they did not retroactively request the 1987 championship VHS tapes to be changed from "Drive for 5" to "Drive for 10." It wouldn't even rhyme.

As I'm sure you know since that time, the Boston won title 17 in 2008 and were on course to repeat in 2009, before Kevin Garnett blew out his knee. Kobe would take advantage of a weakened Eastern Conference and defeat Dwight Howard and a bunch of bums on the Magic in those Finals. Boston 17, Los Angeles 15 (But really L.A. 10, Minneapolis 5).

The following year it looked like the Celtics would win number 18 with a 3-2 NBA Finals series lead, but this time Boston's starting center Kendrick Perkins blew out his knee. Boston 17, Los Angeles 16 (But really L.A. 11, Minneapolis 5).

The Los Angeles would win the Micky Mouse Bubble championship in 2020 following an extended break for COVID where every team obeyed the social distancing rules in place, with the exception of the Lakers who held illegal team workouts and scrimmages together. Boston 17, Los Angeles 17 (But really L.A. 12, Minneapolis 5).

One Los Angeles Lakers official was quoted as saying on the team call that Rondo Burgundy was on:

Look I don't care if Minneapolis has to go back to the 1930's to find us another championship. Sh#t go back to before basketball was created. Just get it done! And remind that midwestern city that L.A. is still pissed at them for not allowing us to retroactively claim Prince as our own! Do they know who we are?! We're L.A. We're Hollywood. We can make up anything!"

Rondo Burgundy has reached out to a source at the mayor's office in Minneapolis for comment, but has yet to receive a response as of this writing.

About Afternoon Delight (Est. in 2009): From time to time, posts an original (most of the time), humorous creation for your delight.

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