Tanner Ainge loses election, enough with the Ainge hate!

Danny Ainge’s son, Tanner, lost the GOP special-election primary in Utah on Wednesday, despite getting loads of support from his father throughout the offseason. The Celtics’ GM has been straight politicking for the last few months. He initially hosted a big-wig, fancy golf-club fundraiser, where the cheapest seat was a cool thousand dollars. Some prominent names were in attendance, one in particular being former MVP and championship ring owner, Steve Young.

We’ve seen this strategy before from Ainge: having his famous friends show face to impress his suitors. The thing is, he’s not in Title Town anymore, where athletes have a major influence on every-day life. He’s in the Beehive State, where sports take a back seat to focused spirituality. As the frat kids nowadays say: work hard, pray harder.  

Danny also attended various town hall meetings with his son, introduced him at a few events,  and even put himself on display for the cause, but we musn’t forget how Danny is viewed around the country: he is hated! And the disdain has only escalated in Utah since the recent Gordon Hayward heist.

So through all of his efforts, he actually hurt his son’s cause.  Nowadays, when people hear the name ‘Ainge,' especially in that particular state, they light their torches, grab their pitchforks, and begin to assemble in the town square.

I can’t say that I’m surprised that Ainge didn’t get the W, because that name has been hated around the country since young Daniel was just a teenager, which exposes a ruthless truth about Americans: we regularly, full-on hate kids. Are we a country of degenerates? Why would anybody hate an immature Danny Ainge, or any other student who still lives at home with mom and dad? Well, it’s the same reason why we hate every Duke basketball that comes through year after year: they are really good at what they do, they do it with ease, and they have seemingly never had to work hard to get to where they are. It’s easy to hate the best, and Ainge has been the best at everything that matters since he was just a lad.

In high school he was a three-sport All-American and lead his basketball team to back-to-back Oregon State titles. He then went on to play ball at BYU, where he continued his dominance. He won the Wooden Award, aka MVP of the nation, broke BYU’s scoring record before the three-point line came into effect (damn you, Jimmer Fredette), and lead his Brothers to a deep run in March, the high moment being a dangling, buzzer-beater finish against number two-seeded Notre Dame.

To add to the success-driven hate against him, Danny has also always had that same bratty, scrunched up face that he had while playing in the NBA. Whenever a call went against him, he didn’t hide his displeasure. Instead, he yelled and screamed and jumped up and down in defiance. That’s not the best look to have on national TV. His mother commented on his look when she said (via Michael R. Walker, BYU Magazine),

All my boys are very facial...and it has gotten them in trouble from time to time.

I think we’ve all witnessed a time or two when Danny and his mug have gotten him into trouble. He’s just got that Toby Flenderson face that you want to smash.

Danny was so great during his Cougar years, that when he wasn't smoking clowns on the basketball court, or getting straight A's in class, he was playing professional baseball for the Toronto Blue Jays. Yes, in 1977, a week before his freshman year at college began, he was selected in the 15th round of the MLB Draft and signed to a three year deal. He played 211 games for the Jays, all while being the best young basketball player in the United States.

How pissed would you be if someone like that came through today? Even if you didn’t mind the kid at first, eventually he’d be all over ESPN. Every morning on Sports Center there’d be another Danny Ainge story stuffed down your throat.

He even frustrated NBA GMs, especially because Ainge’s three year deal with Toronto included a clause that restricted him from playing basketball while he was under contract. The best collegiate basketball player in the nation wasn’t going to play basketball.  Can you believe this guy!? Red Auerbach even chimed in when he said (via David Schoenfield, ESPN),

How can the kid play baseball? He's in the wrong sport. He can make a million dollars playing basketball and he's going to play baseball. What a waste. What a waste . . .

Ainge continued to peeve front offices, because, get this, in 1981, while still under contract with the Blue Jays, which still included the clause that disallowed him from playing basketball, the Celtics drafted Danny, and all of a sudden, he decided that he actually didn’t want to play baseball. He wanted to void his contract and begin to play basketball in the pros.

It was truly a genius move to get around the strict no-paying-students NCAA rule. He duped the entire system by avoiding college baseball and going straight to the pros, but needless to say, the Blue Jay’s President, Peter Bavasi, was pissed. He took the Celtics to court over the contract, and when he testified, he compared what Ainge was doing to (via Anthony Cotton, Sports Illustrated):

an ailing wife being left behind by her husband for some blonde floozy from Boston.

And after the jury ruled in favor of the Blue Jays, Bavasi lit a cigar, mocking Auerbach, and said (via Anthony Cotton, Sports Illustrated),

There's one minute to go and we're 20 points ahead. As far as I'm concerned, Danny Ainge is a member of the Toronto Blue Jays, and until I'm absolutely convinced he's not, I'm not speaking to Auerbach or anyone else in their organization.

Yikes! Bitter much? Not a very sportsmanlike response. 

Ainge eventually arrived at the Garden and began biting heads off in the NBA, like the time he danced with Tree Rollins or when he shoved Sedale Threatt. Even in his post-Celtics days, he continued being a menace to the Association. He infamously threw the ball off of some guys face, and almost scuffled with the GOAT in ’93.  

The mass-hate continued to fester and rot until Danny Ainge was asking the whole country to tell him how his ass tasteBut like any great player, he loved the hate. We’ve heard him say things like this time and time again (via Michael R. Walker, BYU Magazine),

One of the greatest compliments I received in my career was when crowds booed me on the road. People aren’t booing you if you’re no good. There’s nothing better than being on the road and making a shot and just really making the opposing crowd angry. That’s the ultimate, that’s the peak of playing in sports.

When groupies harassed him, he smiled, and even joined in on the fun. He once saw some fans in Detroit wearing “I Hate Danny Ainge” shirts, and instead of letting it rattle him, he went up to the trolls, asked if he could have one, and then wore it for the entirety of warm-ups.

Not only is Danny better than you at sports, but he is also a better person than you. The guy is straight-edge as fuck, and always has been. He’s your quintessential church boy. There’s never been a drop of booze in his system, he’s never dabbled with drugs, and he's only had sex with one woman: his current wife, who he married during his sophomore year of college. Soon after, the two started making babies. I could barely figure out the bus system when I was in college, let alone raise a family. When the Cs were raising banners and the boys were spraying champagne, Danny was sipping orange soda. He is better than we are! It’s so infuriating!  He’s Tim Tebow before Tim Tebow had risen.

And now as a GM, the country continues to hate him because of his genius basketball mind and hypnotic powers that put opposing GM’s into trances of giving. He keeps sneaking into their locker rooms and stealing their best players. Those young GMs are playing checkers. Danny is playing chess.

And for some odd reason, Boston fans get mad at him every February for not pulling the trigger on idiotic hypothetical trades. Bostonians would rather lose valuable assets, just for the rush of having a new player in green. Last year it was Bogut, Nerlens, Serge; any big man who could help on the glass. I even heard some dummies whine about us letting the Wizards obtain Brandon Jennings. Oh, you mean the guy who just got sent to China? We should’ve signed him to a guard-heavy team? Are you mental? Get the net.

Oh yea, Danny is also a Bishop at his church, which is basically like a nominated volunteer High Priest/President/PR guy for the church/friend to everyone. He just does it all; helps communities, wins championships, breaks records, raises families, you know, kissing babies and what not. He's you're all-American man. 

So I’m bummed that the hate for Danny may have affected his son’s campaign. It’s a damn shame. Tanner seemed to have a decent platform of “innovation, and fiscal responsibility,” which sounds a lot like his father’s ideals, and if he’s anything like his father, then Tanner Ainge could’ve been a good guy for the job.

But regardless, can this Danny Ainge hate stop already!? He’s a saint, and was always really fun to watch and root for. I guess if I wasn’t a Boston Celtics fan though, I’d have a lot of fun hating him too.  

Photo 1: Yahoo
Photo 2: Oregon Live
Photo 3: Getty Images