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Tonight, the hospital Celtics narrowly beat the Cleveland Cavaliers with a final score of 112-106. Due to the fact the C's were missing three of their best four players, this was a game that was pretty close for the most part, but even then Cavs fans were not really that interesting to observe. They did a lot of complaining in the first half, which honestly is pretty understandable looking at the Lebron-less Cavs as a franchise. But the second half was all about Collin Sexton. It's kinda sad to see a fanbase that was in consistent contention for championships less than two years ago back to celebrating stuff like this, but Sexton had a good night so let's just let them have this one. There was also a guy that kept throwing out randomly absurd "fun facts" as a joke, which was pretty funny. Here's what Cavs fans had to say: 


Pregame 

Let’s get this W Cavs fuck tanking as long as get a top 5-8 picks I’ll be happy and it’s nice to see our young guys develop to get us some dubs

We should put either Nance or Cedi to stop Tatum.

Hot take: Sexton finishes with 36, Tatum with 22.

Alright, this will be a close game

Nah this will be an easy game


1st quarter 

KPJ is -10 in just under 2 minutes lol. F*ck Jayson Tatum.

Can’t leave Tatum open

I find it hilarious that Marcus Smart can body the f out of KLove. Like wtf

I literally don't remember the last time Delly made a three. Feel bad for the guy.

I don’t like seeing Ante Zizic play for my basketball team.

One dude I never got the hype for is Enes Kanter. What does he do well?

A home game and the only broadcast I can find is Boston's terrible homer crew...

Celtics commentators are the worst


2nd Quarter 

Cedi couldn't even post up against Tremont waters...

Gotta keep an eye on a sniper-like Semi “literally Steph Curry” Ojeleye

Delly. Wade. Zizic. Yep, it’s tank SZN.

Man, Tatum is too good. I hope we can find a wing-like him in the future.

Ngl, Tatum looks really composed on the ball.

[FUN FACT] - COLLIN SEXTON records his 213th three-pointer. Good for 22nd in Cavs history.

Tatum v. Sexton. Duel of the century

Collin can go toe to toe with Tatum offensively but his teammates don’t respect it

Christ. Tatum is filthy. F*ck Boston.

I wish Tatum played anywhere else so I could like him.

When I first heard the Cavs traded Kyrie to the Celtics, I figured Tatum was going to be in the deal. Imagine if we got Collin and Tatum

[FUN FACT] - With his next field goal, KEVIN PORTER JR scores his 500th point.
Good for 156th in Cavs history.


3rd Quarter

COLLIN B. HOOPIN’

[FUN FACT] - Larry Nance, with 16 points to start, passes three Cavaliers, moving into 81st in scoring history.

You don't even have to guard Delly’s 3’s. Just Ben Simmons his ass...

Wait, I thought we were done with Bloomberg commercials. WE CAN NEVER LEAVE

Imagine dropping 20 ppg and getting snubbed from the USA vs Worlds Allstar game...

I REMEMBER WHEN PEOPLE CALLED SEXTON A BUST. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


4th quarter 

Stop talking about Sexton. All y’all been shitting on my boy since we drafted him. F*ckin fake ass bandwagon fans. Y’all all on his d*ck cuz he playing like an all-star. Sad ass fans

We got a consistent 20-point scorer Post-Lebron Era. I’m gonna shed a tear

Sexton with 28. I will need AT LEAST 5 more.

Kevin Love actually looking like Kevin Love and not some out of shape dude from the local Y

[FUN FACT] - With his 27th point, Collin Sexton passes JR Smith (2,628) in points as a Cavalier, moving into 46th place.

Now, this is Cavs basketball that I can get behind!

SEXTON NEW CAREER HIGH AGAIN!!! THIS MAN IS INCREDIBLE!!!

COLLIN. F*CKING. SEXTON.

We deserve to win this b*tch

Jesus imagine if they make the shots from his passes

[Serious] Is Collin Sexton better than Michael Jordan?

Woah we actually had a mini crowd explosion. I miss those

Tatum going for the jugular, sheesh.

Sexton with 10th Prime Lebron in a few years is gonna be good

Sexton just gets no respect in this league right now. He’s earning it tho.

Semi “literally the greatest shooter in the history and future and present of the NBA” Ojeleye...

Ngl with half our team out today, I’m pretty impressed we’ve kept it close


But My Favorite Segments Of The Night, Were The Return Of D[ean] Wade To Cleveland....

We didn't get to witness a Lebron to DWade oop, but a Delly to DWade oop is fine too.

D WADE IS IN

Yo, DWade getting playtime!

DWadeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

If you told me earlier this week I’d see a Delly-D Wade lob by the end of it I would not have believed you


And The Ultimate Small Victory 
Those bobbleheads are so nice

Thomas Desmond 3/04/2020 09:41:00 PM Edit
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