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So, you've heard of Groupon, right? It started as a great idea (hey, who doesn't like deals, amirite?) and quickly became an "Internet darling", then failed so much that its business model was called a "disaster", lost its investors' confidence so much that the founder and CEO, aka the worst CEO of 2012, was ousted in 2013, and just ahead of 2013Q3, Groupon insiders are selling dumping shares for something big coming up. In a nutshell, they're doing grrrrreat.

But hey, no worries, because they have just made a deal with the Celtics! That would sa... wait, the Celtics have made a deal with Groupon? To sell game tickets? Well, I'm sure it was just to sell a couple of hundred tickets so that we could have a full house. It's not like they had to sell over 1,000 tickets, right?



Oh. Well, I'm sure the deal was there just to appeal to a different clientele. You know, I'm sure the Celtics aren't having difficulties selling low-level tickets at 70 bucks so they have to have a 40% discount on Groupon.

***

This just in! Our sources have informed us of a press release that was pulled off at the last minute:

"Hey there, Celtics fans! Are you disappointed that your team got to a 0-4 start? No worries! Well, we weren't exactly able to sell game tickets either (remember the time we tried to mislead you by saying sales are still strong? Hehehe.) Sooo, we decided to offer them to you on a discount! On Groupon! You know, the website that gets you cheap relaxation massages at weird locations, because you'll definitely need that after watching a Celtics game this season! Haha, just kidding! Hey, but seriously, think about it: You get to see the beautiful Celtics dancers from low-level seats, and maybe Lucky will even shake hands with you! If you're seated on the lucky row, you might even get Chipotle, effing Chipotle for absolutely FREE! But if you're REALLY lucky, you'll see Gerald Wallace (he's the one with the braids) attempt a field goal (that's just a fancy name for a shot, in case you're confused)!

Oh, we would like to apologize to our season ticket holders again for this, and thank them for not cancelling their season tickets (like they could, hehehe. Just kidding! We love you! ♥♥♥)

So yeah, come join us in TD Garden, where hopes to reach the Playoffs go to die and reincarnate in the form of lottery balls!

LET'S GO WIGG.. I mean CELTICS! *clap-clap-clapclapclap*"


Well, that surely clears it up. I mean, it's also only natural for businesses in similar conditions to partner up.

P.S.: This is what my girlfriend, who is not exactly a big fan of basketball, had to say when I told her that Celtics tickets were on Groupon: "Wow, the Celtics have truly become garbage, huh?" Brace yourselves, winter is coming.
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semioticus (shelbyl) 11/06/2013 11:37:00 AM Edit
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