I hate their colors.  It's not a coincidence I don't own any clothing purple or yellow (not the most masculine of colors to begin with).  I hate Jerry Buss and his hideous toupee.   I hate Jerry West; how does the NBA logo go to a guy with 1 title as a player?  That's like someone comparing Bean to Michael.  Shouldn't this have gone to Bob Cousy or John Havlicek?

I hate Kareem and his dumb, bald head.  I hate Michael Cooper and his ugly looking shot.  I hate AC Green and his jerry curl.  I hate James Worthy and his goggles.  I hate Mike Smrek; seeing his last name made me sick.  I hate Mychael Thompson; being gift wrapped to the Flakers for the corpse of Peter Gudmundsson and now he does their radio.  I hate Cheesy Johnson; his ostentatious arrogance, showing off for the cameras.

I hate how Orlando offered as much money to Shaq and he left for the lal.  I lost my respect for him after that (although will admit gained a lot back after this performance).  I hated Nick Van Exel while he played for them.  Same for Eddie Jones, Ced Ceballos, Vlade Divac and Elden Campbell.  Put Tony Campbell on that list too.

I hate Whistling Phil.  I hate the lifeguard chair he sits on during games.  I hate how he tries playing mind games through the media.  I hate Bean.  I hate these pictures.  I hate his jaw.  I hate how he tries emulating Michael in all instances, even though he's not in the same stratosphere as a ball player.  I really hate Derek Fisher.  He's a cheapshot and the league's dirtiest guy.  I hate how he treated Utah when he got out of his contract.  I hate Lamar Scrotum.  I hate when he wags his tongue.  I hate Andrew Bynum.  I hate this picture of him.  Think we'd ever see Perk do that?  Nope.  I hate Jordan Farmar.  I want to pull his ears off his head.  I hate Pau Gasol; I hate his hair, his beard, his llama like appearance.  I hate Chris Wallace even more for giving him to the Flakers for nothing.  If people really think Kevin McHale helped the Celtics he would've given us KG and not taken Al Jefferson back.  I hate DJ Mbenga.  I hate how he has a publicist.  I hate Sasha Vujacic.  He should run with scissors.  I hate Shannon Brown.  I hated this website for him.  That went well.  I hate Luke Walton; I'm not sure he should even be in the league.

I hate JA Adande, Bill Plaschke and every other lowlife Los Angeles writer who sees the Flakers as doing no wrong.  Say what you want about Shaughnessy but it'd be nice to have an LA Writer take his point of view once in awhile.  I hate ESPN and all their experts who pick the Flakers to win every series possible.  I don't even care if Adande picks the Celtics in this series; I still hate him.

I hate Jack Nicholson (despite me liking him in The Shining, it's really tainted my view of him.  Especially after the shenanigans he pulled on the set of The Departed).  I hate this guy who sits next to him at games.  I hate Dyan Cannon.  I hate George Lopez and his unfunny comedy routine.  I hate every other "celebrity" who shows up at Flaker games, except for Matt Damon or the Wahlbergs.

But I'll tell you one thing I love: seeing them lose, and even moreso, lose to the Celtics.  They've had a much easier trip to get to the Finals.  Utah and Phoenix are nothing compared to Cleveland and Orlando.

Four more wins Boston.  Let's finish them.

tb727 6/01/2010 06:05:00 PM Edit
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18 Responses so far.

  1. That pumped me up! Nice article.

  2. Jenda says:

    Nice hate piece.

  3. Anonymous says:

    I agree on every point except for 1. JA Adande is one of only 3 ESPN experts to pick Boston (along with Broussard, Sheridan and my boy Legler). Not only that but he is also one of 2 people that picked the Celtics to win in 6 games (Legler of course was the other, the other 2 said celtics in 7). Since this is the biggest stage in basketball, and since Adande is prolly hurting from picking wrong in the last 2 rounds, I'm giving him one more chance. Any stupid remark about Boston and he's back to being blacklisted. But one more chance. That I can give.

  4. JR says:

    Never knew the name of the guy who sat next to Jack. I thought "Guy who sits next to Jack" was his name.

  5. Awesome piece! LOL. These are my favorites: "I hate DJ Mbenga. I hate how he has a publicist. I hate Sasha Vujacic. He should run with scissors."

  6. tb727 says:

    Thanks Karl, Jenda and Bailey. And he does have a publicist, that's not even made up.

    Cherninthebutter- I asked Adande in an ESPN chat recently "Hey Adande, do you EVER pick against the Lakers?" He answered and said not since he's been with ESPN but was only wrong once, the first time they played Boston.

    You're better than me to give him another shot lol.

    JR- hysterical

  7. Anonymous says:

    Wow, I can hate Lou Adler. He directed cheech and chong.

  8. JR says:

    I "hate" that in pictures of Lakers fans like the top one, you can't tell if the woman is his girlfriend, daughter, or grand daughter. lol

  9. tb727 says:

    Adler directed Cheech and Chong? Didn't know that. Tommy Chong's a funny guy.

  10. tb727 says:

    And I think that's Jack's daughter JR lol

  11. Jeff says:

    TB you've changed my mind on hate pieces...

    I LOVE IT! Very funny and got me more pumped (if possible) for this series!

    and Lou Adler... wow I had no idea.

  12. Bohemian says:

    This is one of the best articles I've read in a long time, awesome job TB!

    I hate everything related to the Lakers. How fake Kobe is, how I have been forced to hate Gasol for wearing those colors (being a national hero in my country, Spain)...Lamar Odom and his stupid smile, the overrated Bynum, the knucklehead Artest...and above all Derek "I can't guard a chair but I act as if I was the best" Fisher...

    Let's beat these guys on Thursday, I can't wait!

  13. rondo-is-love says:

    I think you've summed up the feelings of more-than-casual Celtics fans everywhere. I love it.

    I have to say... I used to like Jack Nicholson but the more I saw him acting like a complete douchebag at Laker games (yelling at refs like he's a coach), I really don't like seeing his face anymore. Every time I see him sitting in the courtside seat wearing his stupid sunglasses (seriously, I can't stand people who wear sunglasses indoors), I can't stop thinking about how much money he spends every year to attend all those games and sit in that seat. He could do much better things with that money.

    Thank you, tb727, for keeping it at an appropriate sports-level hate. God, I just read about how an Orlando fan wished that someone would stab Pierce again and this time "do it the right way" and how a Cavs fan wished that the Celtics team plane would crash. I swear, sports have a tendency to bring out the absolute worst in people.

  14. tb727 says:

    Thanks Bohemian and Rondo-is-love!

  15. ACF says:

    Good stuff, tb. So much hate it's just beautiful! :)

  16. garrick says:

    what did kareem every do to anyone? some people really take sports to another level it shouldn't be on...

  17. Anonymous says:

    Nice job- Your team sucks. Maybe you should start following the Red Sox.

  18. Anonymous says:

    well maybe you should start following TMZ instead asshole., get out of here. you'll never have another taste of the finals flakers.,

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