Dwayne Wade's new sock line is even sillier than you imagined

Dwayne Wade likes to think of himself as somewhat of a stylish guy. We know this because we've seen him rock lensless glasses, strut to the locker room in a double-breasted polka dot suit with rolled up manpris, and because we've heard him say things like "you need to raise your sock game".

Well, D-Wade has decided to raise his own sock game with Stance's new Wade Collection. Lets just say that most of them are, um, "aggressive".

Take these, for instance. They aren't matching, because matching socks are for squares who don't want to be noticed.

Fun Florida Fact: The Jacksonville Jaguars are 0-8 and just had their best player suspended indefinitely by the NFL for repeated drug violations. Somehow, they still have the most stable NFL locker room culture and coaching staff in Florida right now.

Embrace your wild side. These are perfect for when you're feeling fiesty enough to kick Ramon Sessions in the balls.

Mali? More like Golden State Warriors, amirite? Whaddya think, Steph Curry?

Yeah, not feeling them either. Next!

Stop it. You stop it right now.

"If style is about being true to one's self, the Flamingo has things dialed." Wait, are Flamingo socks what make Dwayne Wade feel true to himself? Are Flamingo's part of the "Way of Wade?" Why are these out of stock? SO MANY UNANSWERED QUESTIONS

I like to think that this is an inner monologue that D-Wade has with himself before his press conferences

"You know what, that podium is going to cover up my sock game. People watching on TV won't know I'm wearing 5 different patterns on my socks"


/long pause

"Well, I'll know I'm keeping things loose, and that's what makes all the difference."

If these match your stylistic tastes you want to prank your friends this Christmas, they can be purchased at Stance's website.

Ned Brady is a regular columnist at nePatriotsLife.com, for more of Ned's writing and for Patriots coverage with the same flavor you get at CelticsLife, follow @PatriotsLife on twitter.