Dwyane Wade surprises fans by not kicking anyone in the nuts in prom visit

CelticsLife reporter Rondo Burgundy has another exclusive scoop for loyal CelticsLife readers. This latest earth shattering news coming down south from the Miami area.

Miami Heat guard, Dwyane Wade, was recently invited to attend the prom of Coral Gables Archbishop Carroll High senior Nicole Muxo via a youtube video. The video went viral but initially received no response from Wade, much to the delight of Archbishop Carroll staff, reports Rondo Burgundy.

"Given Wade's history we were all obviously on high alert when that video was posted," said a teacher at the school, who preferred to remain anonymous. "We took extreme measures in preparing for his possible arrival, contacting the Charlotte Bobcats organization as well as requiring all male students attending wear protective cups."

When Wade surprisingly arrived at the school the night of the prom (frightening footage here) there was a collective gasp around the nation.

"I just couldn't stop thinking of the poor boys in attendance," said one local resident. "With Wade, you never know if you're going to get kicked in the balls, have your arm pulled out, or even just have your shoe thrown across the room while he gives that innocent 'what did I do?' look."

The police were contacted as soon as he arrived, but shockingly Wade left the prom without incident as no student was kicked in the nuts.

"Very surprised, very surprised," said Bobcats guard Ramon Sessions, a recent victim of a Dwyane Wade knee to the gonads. "I said a prayer for the students at Archbishop Carroll that night. They're all very lucky to come out with their nuts in tact."

Sessions and other NBA players such as Rajon Rondo, Kobe Bryant, Rip Hamilton and Mike Bibby - all former victims of Wade - will be visiting the shell-shocked students of the school later this week.

Despite the fantastic news that all students remained unharmed, it hasn't quieted execs around the NBA from criticizing the move by Wade to attend the prom.

"Instead of focusing on his game which has been wildly inconsistent all-season, instead of digging in and being the legit second banana LeBron needs to win it all, D-Wade is going to high school proms," an anonymous source told Burgundy.

When asked why she made the video asking Wade to attend her prom, clearly putting all of her male peers in danger, Muxo simply stated, "I dunno, he's hot."