Dennis Rodman in the process of saving the world, and the rules of basketball in North Korea are awesome
This is real life.
If you haven't heard by now, Dennis Rodman has befriended Kim Jong Un, the President of North Korea, and is currently in the process of ending the second cold war before it even gets started. I mean, it's big news, but this is Rodman we're talking about - of course he's cutting off a potential nuclear holocaust with North Korea. Duh.
That's not the main story here. What is the main story you ask? Well that would be this blurb on the rules of basketball in North Korea that have surfaced in light of Rodman's basketball related trip to NK. Here is a paragraph from a 2006 San Diego Union Tribune article, which depicts Un's father (Kim Jong Il) as a huge NBA fan - and describes the..umm..interesting rules of the North Korean game.
...in North Korea, where basketball, with little contact with the outside world, has evolved like the tortoises in the Galapagos Islands. Chinese media have reported that the country even developed its own scoring system, with three points for a dunk, four points for a three-pointer that does not touch the rim and eight points for a basket scored in the final three seconds. Miss a free throw, and it's minus one.
Really San Diego Union Tribune? You're really going to drop this little tidbit about 85% of the way through the article? For shame. This is your lede!
Anyway, how ridiculous are these rules? Three points for a dunk? Four for a 'swished' three? Eight for a basket in the last 3 seconds? So awesome.
Let's just imagine the NBA utilizing these rules for a second, shall we? First off, the Clippers 'lob city' mentality would be more than entertaining - it would be incredibly efficient. I mean I think even the staunchest of KG supporters would have shipped him out if DeAndre Jordan's mega-dunks were actually worth more on the scoreboard.
Secondly, how devastating would a great three point shooter be when they were on? Can you imagine Ray Allen during one of his hot streaks? That 50 point game in the '09 playoffs vs. Chicago comes to mind, Ray might have scored closer to 60 that night with the swish rule in effect. It would also be hilarious watching the NBA refs try and decide when in fact a three was swished - and when it caught a sliver of rim. Replays for days.
And finally - can you imagine the pandemonium in the last 3 seconds? You'd have to make intentional fouls illegal (or worth the same number of points), to make the rule work - but it would be epic. Oh the C's are down 7 to Miami with 15 seconds left? Well let's bleed this clock down and go for the last second 8 pointer. Boom - problem solved. Although I do have a question - do the rules compound? Like is a dunk in the last 3 seconds worth 11 points? Or is it worth 9? Or simply 8? What about a swished three? Is that the ridiculous 12 point play the NBA has always been missing? I need Kim Jong Un on the line to answer these questions, stat.
No matter what the ruling on the compounding nature of the rules, I think we can all agree that the NBA needs to at least use them during a pre-season game. Preferably Clippers vs. Knicks. Clips just 3 point dunking the Knicks faces off while J.R. Smith, Melo, Kidd and Novak shoot 90 three's looking for the 4 point swish rule.
Make it happen NBA. Make. It. Happen.
P.S. for anyone doubting that North Korea is crazy enough to use these rules, remember, this is the same country that out out this video claiming they had won the 2010 soccer World Cup. They went 0-3 in pool play, being outscored 12-1.