In a shocking development, it's been discovered that the Celtics are looking at making a number of changes this off season- but not to their roster. An inside source has relayed to Celticslife that in order to compete with other teams in the battle for top free agents, the Celtics will be petitioning to Massachusetts' state leaders to waive state taxes.
"Listen we understand what we're going up against," said Executive Vice President of Basketball Operations Danny Ainge. "It's not like it was back in the 80s when we could mention the honor of donning a Celtics uniform. With franchises like the Magic and Heat being based in the state of Florida, we thought it may entice new players to come to Boston if they weren't burdened with state taxes, in addition to their federal taxes."
Florida, home to the Orlando Magic and Miami Heat, does not have state taxes.
But the Celtics are positoning themselves to benefit even further, going through a brand new proposal for more man-made state beaches. They're also hoping to add another sun to the sky so the temperature is 70 degrees minimum year round.
"We need to have a level playing field when it comes to free agency and right now we just don't" said Celtics coach Doc Rivers, a 2-time NBA Coach of the Year.
Added Celtics co-owner Wyc Grousbeck "We think it's in the best interest of the state of Massachusetts and the Celtics organization to add another form of heat and energy to the sky. It doesn't have to be a replica of the sun, just some sort of heating orb that will increase the temperature on a more consistent basis. Free agents don't give a damn about the history or tradition of what it means to be a Celtic so we have to start being creative. Furthermore we expect this to really help the economic crisis by creating more jobs."
This brash new thinking has Celtics fans rejuvenated. Die-hard Celtics fan Norman Dale said "I think it's long overdue. It's freezing here in Boston 10 months out of the year, there's no beaches except for all the way out in Cape Cod and no one wants to be here, let alone a highly-celebrated athlete. I'm all for eliminating state taxes and an additional sun in the sky. This will be where everyone wants to be."
Calls to the Massachusetts Board of Governors were not returned.