|"So far we've agreed to not look at each other, and |
to shake hands in an unconventional manner."
|"Varejão and me,|
we're gonna fuck you up."
|"Hey if I had to sell one of my yachts,|
I would have done the same thing."
to dunk on the Clippers.
What's worse is that there is a sense of assumed blame that the owners just don't want to take. Who's at fault for the loss of revenues? Certainly not the players, they are getting bigger, stronger, faster, etc. it seems, as time goes on, and therefore theoretically more fun to watch. And you can't blame them, again, because they are chosen by the owners and management. If I hire a turtle to run my assembly line, no one's going to come to me like, "Wow, that turtle is really fucking everything up, are you sure he's been reporting to on-the-job training?" They're going to be more or less like, "Why the hell did you hire a turtle? You do realize that it's a fucking turtle, right?" My point is, the league is failing because of what the owners are doing or not doing. So why is it the players who have to make the sacrifice?
Here's a couple radical ideas for the NBA owners and executives that I think might help them.
|"What do we want? 'An NBA team in Albuquerque, New Mexico!'|
Why do we want it? 'It's fucking hot out!'"
- The "darts at a map of the USA" is not working, as far as city selection for your teams. Um, Charlotte? Oklahoma City? Why don't we throw one up in Boise, Idaho while we're at it. You know the South Dakota Badlands don't have a team... How about California 1, California 2, California 3? Yea David Lee called, he said he's sick of playing for Golden State cause he can't practice without having to dodge the rebounds from Blake Griffin and Pau Gasol's missed J's.
- When people confuse your league with the WWE, that's a bad thing. This is hole they've been digging for themselves for a while, and it's going to take some time before anyone really trusts them. Everyone who follows the NBA watches with a certain degree of suspicion. Personally, I believe there's game-fixing going on. It was proved, although completely ignored, that the last dunk contest was a fix. Letting the best team win to maximize profits may seem counter intuitive when the Milwaukee Sucks win it all, but maybe, just maybe, if people thought they were watching a true sport, and not a reality show packed with tall people, there would be more interest. You force your big-name teams to win, you lose interest from all the other markets in the country, those teams' ticket and merchandising revenues fall, they can't spend as much on players so it becomes even less likely for them to win, and the cycle perpetuates. In the end, all you get is 22 markets who's teams don't have a chance, of course the fans don't give a fuck, of course you are going to lose money. What isn't the Sterninator getting? I mean, 47 FTA discrepancy in 5 playoff games against the team with the most buzz in the league? Not still bitter, I'm just saying...
- Oust David Stern and Donald Sterling. These two jerk-offs have reputations that wouldn't improve even if they grew angel wings and flew to third-world countries to save dying children with magic rays of sunshine from their glowing halos. No fans of the NBA appreciate Stern ruining the game of basketball in this country and acting like a smug little fuckasaurus rex pretending to give a rat's ass about anything other than accumulating wealth. And no fans of humanity appreciate such a scumbag like Sterling being continually rewarded and defended by the league for his constant irresponsibility.