It's been 48 hours since the worst day of my life as a Celtics fan. Worse for me than Reggie or Len passing away.  Worse than the losses in the Finals in 1985 or 1987.

Since that night I have no control over the most controllable things.  I was at work on Friday and had a 45 minute meeting in the morning.  Afterwards, I couldn't remember a word that was said.  Someone was beeping their horn at me on Friday on the highway.  I had no idea why.  It was because I was going about 26 mph.

I spent all day Friday in a fog.  I went to sleep at 8:30 last night and woke up at 11 am this morning.  That's about 15 consecutive hours of sleep.  I went back to sleep from about 2-7.  I'm going to be calling it a night shortly.  The way I see it, the less time I'm awake, the less time I have to rehash that game from Thursday night.

I haven't replied back to phone calls or text messages or voicemails.  I haven't read any NBA news at breakfast, along with my bowl of cereal like I'm accustomed to doing every morning.  I don't give a rat's ass about the draft, free agent signings or anything sports related.  I'm not sure if I ever will again.

I'm a total wreck.

If it was a loss to another franchise I could assure you I'd be alright.  But not that team, not with those personnel involved.  The Spurs, the Suns, anyone.  It would sting, but not to this degree. 

I wonder if Chris the Buffoon Wallace watched the series.   I wonder if he was pulling for the Celts since he was employed by them for so long.  I wonder if he felt somewhat guilty by the outcome.

I shut the game off with about 30 seconds to go.  I didn't watch any trophy presentation.  I still haven't mustered the courage to look at that boxscore.  The offensive rebounds and free throw attempts will make me even more depressed.

The agony of defeat is crippling, to the point that the thrill of victory, as sweet as it might be, is almost not even worth it to invest your time and emotions into it, if this is the type of ending that will come about.  At the end of the day, watching sports is like that.  You live vicariously through the guys on your television screen.  It's totally out of your hands and that feeling of helplessness is the most debilitating thing you can encounter.  And when you lose a series like that, the effects are crippling.

It's not like this is the 1985 Celtics and the team was still in it's prime.  It's not even the 2008 Celtics.  This is a team with guys past their prime.  They sludged through a regular season for 6 months, finishing with a mere 50 wins.  They had a nice run in the playoffs but as all Celtics fans should know, finishing second means the same as finishing 30th: no banner can be raised and the season was a failure.

I don't know what to do at this point.  I can't believe anyone can possibly remain upbeat and optimistic for things like the draft or free agency.  For me it's futile.  I'm overwhelmed thinking of training camp, an 82 game regular season, and another 2 months of playoffs.

These opportunities don't come around often.  It may not come around again in many of our lifetimes.  I'm in total despair right now.  In hindsight if I had known it was going to end this way I wish the Cavs would've knocked Boston off.  This just hurts way too much.

Basketball's always been an enormous part of my life, playing and watching.  But I wouldn't wish these feelings I've been dealing with for the past two days on my worst enemy.  I'm at a crossroads in my life.  I think I need to find a new passion or a new hobby, something that I have more control of.  Because this total despair is having far too profound an impact on me.

tb727 6/19/2010 11:45:00 PM Edit
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15 Responses so far.

  1. sonya says:

    I swear, I feel like I wrote this article myself... because it describes my life exactly. I haven't left the house since thursday, much less change out of my pyjamas. I had chocolate cake for breakfast and lunch on Friday.

    I thought I was just being overly emotional about this because I'm a girl... but I'm glad at least I'm not alone.

    I think the worst part of this is... not knowing what to expect next year. Not knowing if Rasheed will retire, whether Doc will stick with us, whether Danny will resign Ray, whether PIerce will opt out. I just don't know anything!!!

    I'm sick of everyone saying the Celtics tried their best and "the better team won". It's just not like that. The guys poured their blood sweat tears and heart into this post season. To say we were just close is just garbage! We lost by 4 points and got robbed on about 6 calls near the end, whereas the Lakers only got robbed of about 2. 4 obvious noncalls/wrong calls may not seem like a lot but I am convinced it would have made the difference between us going home empty-handed and us going home with a trophy. I'm sorry if I sound like a sore loser, but the ending of game 7 was just pure tragic for the history of NBA finals.

    Not the first time the Lakers got away with something like this...

  2. Lorilei says:

    I'm a pretty young fan (20 yrs old) so I wasn't even alive for the 1985 or 1987 losses. But this loss is affecting me a lot. Actually I think it's affecting my dad a lot more, he's been a fan of the Celtics since the 1969.

    I'm a fan living in Hawaii, and just my luck, as I was watching Game 7, during halftime their was a blackout in my area. No electricity. There was no way for me to watch the game... until it came back on with 1 minute left in the 4th quarter.

    It was pretty heartbreaking for me to watch. It doesn't help that almost all of my close friends are Laker fans. I haven't talked to them about the game because just watching it was enough. I couldn't even stay twitter because of all the trending topics relating to the Lakers. Couldn't stay on facebook either because all of my friends (who are Laker fans) were celebrating.

    As I was watching the game end, I had this sinking feeling. I can't explain it. I was always optimistic. Throughout all the regular season I kept arguing with my Laker friends that the Celtics would have a shot at a championship, to not count us out. And that sinking feeling I felt as we came up short in Game 7. I just... I can't explain it. As of right now I'm doing anything and everything to distract me from the reality.

    But I still can't believe how close we were. We were so CLOSE.

  3. Couldn't agree any further with tb727's post and the other comments. These past few days and these next few days (uncertain when it will end) will be tough for us and for every real, hardcore bleeding green Celtic fan.

    I find myself often staring into space. And if I close my eyes... oh God, I still see Lamar Odom in the last 3 seconds of Game 7... has anybody got a device that can travel back in time so all of us can unite and work this out?

    That was a joke, but part of me wishes it was a serious thing.

  4. MLB says:

    I shut the TV off with about 30 seconds left too. I would NEVER watch the trophy presentation to that other team. Hang in there tb and thanks for your honesty.

  5. The Coach says:

    I'm still in disbelief and being in New York I am very alone in regards to my passion for the Celtics, good to know others are having similar feelings. As a former athlete and coach, I have been involved in some pretty awesome team settings over the years. This feeling of emptiness since I have had since Thursday night is like coaching a team of great seniors and then saying goodbye after climbing the mountain and coming up one win short. But, somehow, this is tougher. Being able to assemble a team like this, with those personalities, that coach, with that franchise history is something that was so special for three years.

    As tb727 stated above " I think I need to find a new passion or a new hobby, something that I have more control of. Because this total despair is having far too profound an impact on me." This is the only team in basketball that I think could make people feel this way. While the journey to thursday night was as unreal and exciting as it gets, the ending for the team and its fans is tragic as there is no recreating this again.

    Can anyone even imagine what the players are feeling?

    While I'm absolutely exhausted from the past 6 weeks I already miss it...

  6. stegy94 says:

    dont worry, i cried myself to sleep that day. and istill cry everytime i remembered. but i am proud of them and love them no matter what

  7. Anonymous says:

    Reading what you wrote here....was like reading my brain. I've been in a slump too and basically cannot move. I couldn't agree more with what you wrote...this is just too much to deal with... :/

  8. TRACIE! says:

    It was unbelievably painful. It's still hard for me to talk about. But I'm slowly getting back to normal. We'll all get through this, and one day in our lifetimes the Celtics will win it again! Such is life, and such is the NBA.

  9. Patti says:

    I hear ya. I could barely bring myself to read anything on Friday...or even visit this website. After work, I read my local paper's article on the game and started crying all over again. I watched the '95 draft this weekend so I could see very young Rasheed and Kevin get drafted--that made me feel better. Your article is very touching and I can identify with it completely. I have been a diehard Celtics fan for 25 years, and yet this pain and disappointment is really different and more harsh. As a Bird-obsessed fan, I haven't felt this bad since he retired. Keep up the good work--we need to keep our core team and try to retain Doc...we can do this again next season but with better results. I STILL believe.

  10. gtrine says:

    Gah, I am so glad to read your article. THE WHOLE THING RESONATES! Everyday now I am being told "to just let it go". 4 days later, I find myself in a funk, still depressed, and just not able to talk coherently about the team. On top of the heat breaking loss, there's all the uncertainty.

    Any other team would've hurt less.

  11. ThomasJ says:

    I'm def feelin you, tb. I posted after the game Thursday still kind of numb, but waking up Friday morning was the worst. Harsh reality and I haven't felt like writing, reading, or talking about it until now.

    One thing that makes me feel better is that no matter how much a championship means, I would never trade our TEAM with a classy coach like Doc for a 'team' led by a selfish bitch like Kobe coached by the arrogant, condescending Jackson.

  12. Anonymous says:

    Awwww........poor little baby.

    On the flip side, the party hasn't ended here in sunny Los Angeles.

  13. stegy94 said...
    dont worry, i cried myself to sleep that day. and istill cry everytime i remembered. but i am proud of them and love them no matter what.


  14. tb727 says:

    Fuck you anonymous

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