As we get closer and closer to tonight's Draft Lottery, it becomes increasingly important that we fans to do what we can do help the cosmic-karma of the Boston Celtics. I'd give you the rundown on the Celtics probability, but chances are you've seen it. If you have not, go to twitter dot com and I can assure you that a graphic detailing the breakdown will be one of the first five posts you see.
We have done this before. Some may say that we 'came up short' (though the pick ended up being Marcus Smart). But we've learned from our mistakes. We've rerun the data, and double checked the test tubes and now we actually do have the perfect formula. It's like in 'Breaking Bad' when Jesse started cooking. Out of the gates he was SO close to the perfect formula, but it needed a little tinkering.
This is our blue-crystal formula for insuring that the Boston Celtics get the #1 pick.
Watch Bill Simmons' face morph into Ellen Degeneres' while listening to the title track to the 1972 movie 'Ben'
It is super-duper important that you do not divert your eyes in any way. You must spend the entire two minutes and twenty three seconds staring at that, frankly perturbing, face morph. Even a momentary gaze away could result in us getting some other dude named Ben - and that'd be a pretty tough pill to swallow because no other dude named Ben has ever been good at basketball.
Watch this 2011 table tennis tutorial on how to put spin on a pingpong ball by world renowned Gilbert Table Tennis Center coach, Elie Zanibudinova
Especially if you have mastered the power of telekinesis, which would be really, super tight. Also, unrelated, if you do have telekinesis have you ever thought about going into business by yourself as a mover? I think that'd be a very practical use of your talents.
Reverse spin move while wearing a Ron Mercer Jersey
Yes, this is a repost from last time but I really think this one was 100% right. We're tinkering the formula, not rebuilding
In the original Superman movie, after Louis Lane plummets to her death Superman flies so fast in the opposite direction of the earth's turn that he is able reverses time and save Louis.
For Celtics purposes wear a Ron Mercer jersey and continuously do a reverse spin move in an attempt to undo the wrongs that were done to this franchise in 1997. It'll also server as a homage ton Ron Mercer, who for all his shortcomings, had an awesome spin move.
Marshmallow. Only. Lucky. Charms.
Get some other lucky charms (numbers)
Written by Steph Benz / Twitter @Stephmbenz
34 11 14 1 31 28
7 reasons why these numbers should prove lucky for the Celtics in tonight's NBA Draft Lottery:
1. They include 3 of my personal favorite (lucky) numbers, just sayin.
2. #34 speaks for itself. Paul is a Celtics fave and his number can only bring us good vibes.
3. Two current -- and very likeable -- players are repped in my fortune's lucky numbers:
#11 Evan Turner
#28 RJ Hunter
4a. Obviously we're destined for a number one pick with #1 in my fortune.
4b. And if the top honors escape us, all my fortune's numbers added up equal two (total of all numbers = 119, 1+1+9 = 11 and 1+1 = 2) . So, by that calculation, worst-case scenario is we'll land in the second slot.
5. The Celtics have a 31.3% chance of securing one of the top two picks so, is it a coincidence that 31 is on my fortune's lucky number list?
6. Potential number one overall pick, Brandon Ingram's Duke number -- #14 -- also, included in my fortune.
7. In addition, several other prospects have worn my list's #11 including Domontas Sabonis and Dragan Bender. And I believe Thon Maker has worn both #11 and #14 in his basketball journey, so far. Not to suggest these are the players we'd inevitably pursue but there's no shortage of talent in the group.
According to my fortune cookie lucky numbers, it looks like the odds are in our favor and tonight's lottery should go well for the C's!
Listen to Chance the Rapper
Honestly, there isn't much to this. I just think you'd be happier if you did do that.
Remind yourself, it could be worse
The Boston Celtics finished with a top 10 offense & defense. They'll enter this offseason with their core under contract, 8 draft picks, and as much as 50 million dollars in cap space. Buddy Hield is fine.
Suggestions for other things we all should be doing? Comment below MattDotRich 5/17/2016 01:46:00 PM Tweet Edit